"You discriminate because you are white!"

Today I wanted to write about a particular experience that I think says a lot, and certainly means a lot to me. Yesterday, while getting out of the taxi in the middle of the historic center of Salvador de Bahia, I noticed a child who appeared to be homeless, begging for money. I was in the same cab as a few other people, and Almuhtada exited the cab before I did, as soon as he exited the cab, the kid asked him for change, Almuhtada said no, and the kid moved on to me. Now, I would like to disclaim that I often give money to those who ask for it, I know that my money could be better donated in other ways, but there is something about someone looking me in the eye and asking me that is difficult for me to refuse. If I have change I will give it, the only times I won’t are when I am in a new place or there are too many people around or I feel uncomfortable for one reason or another… With that being said, this kid, who must have been somewhere between 8-12 years old, looked at me after I said no, and said, “Puta madre!” Which literally translates to “Your mom’s a whore.” Everyone around me laughed, except Julia who looked shocked. Growing up in LA, I understood what the kid was saying, but ignored his insult and just walked on. After a couple of minutes of haggling others, he walked up to me and started talking some more. He pointed to Almuhtada’s arm and said something about “Negro” he then pointed to me and said something about “discriminação” which I figured must have meant discrimination. This time people laughed, but the tone was a little more serious, and people didn’t laugh as much. Julia was actually speechless for a moment, and then translated what the kid had said to me… “He’s ok because he is black (referring to Almuhtada), but you, you discriminate against me because you are white!” Julia said that she had never heard anything like this before in Brazil.

I wanted to write about this because I would lie if I said that it had not affected me. I still joke about the incident with people, when things suck, it makes me feel better to joke about them sometimes, but what had happened, if I let myself really consider it, was more moving than something that I could just write off through jokes and smiles. People have always considered me white. I think race sometimes is more about what other’s consider you than what you consider yourself. I am half Persian, half Hungarian, and have always seen myself as just that. Not really fitting in with Americans because of my foreign background, but not typically discriminated against because of how I look. I would lie if I said that I was heavily discriminated against because of my foreign name either, because growing up in Culver City (considered to be one of the most diverse high-school’s in the country) people were used to names that did not sound like the norm. But this blog isn’t about how I have been discriminated against as much as it is about how I have discriminated myself. Everyone discriminates. But not everyone is what I would call a discriminator, I would like to think that I am not someone who fits into that category, but making sure I am not is something that I have to constantly be on the look out for. I definitely recognize the privilege that I have received because of how others perceive me, by receiving that privilege, from how I am perceived in conversation to how I am received in a restaurant or store, I am taking advantage of my white privilege, and everyone who takes advantage of that privilege without considering its costs and realizing its existence, is not part of the solution. I think that people who are considered white need to be constantly vigilant about the affect of their perceived race on the world. When people tell me that I am discriminatory because I am white, I need to remind myself that if I do not remain vigilant about the effects of my whiteness, then I will become discriminatory. Racism is always around the corner, I dread being the white guy who doesn’t get it.